Addicting As Sin
by turntoPaige394
Summary: Seventh-year Hogwarts student Natalya Rose has a soft spot for the Potions Master... but with the threat of Voldemort discovering their relationship constantly looming, Natalya is on track to becoming just another Lily. *note: students start at HW when they are 13, so they graduate at 20 & I've adjusted most of the ages of the professors to mid/late 30s.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter** **or any of JK Rowling's amazing characters. Now please enjoy my first fanfiction ever!**

* * *

Natalya tied the hand-written note to her owl's foot; there really was no more discreet way to deliver this message. He_ needed_ to read it. After all, how else was she supposed to get the message to him? He refused to see her privately and every human messenger she sent was immediately turned away when they told him who they were sent by. This was the only way left.

Of course, she understood completely why he was being so resistant… after all, he was the Potions Master and she was a student; 20 years old, but a student none the less.

Natalya sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose anxiously. She knew it wasn't her choice, she knew she didn't consciously decide to develop feelings for Severus Snape. It just happened one day and now there was nothing she could do but attempt to make him understand.

"Take this message to Severus, Kyoko," she stroked the back of her mahogany owl's neck gently. "Take it quickly and wait for a return message before coming back. Don't leave until he gives you one."

The owl looked to her knowingly before spreading her majestic wings and taking flight off the balcony of Natalya's bedroom. Now all she could do was wait.

...

Severus sat in the corner of his dank, dark office attempting to make sense of what his first year students wrote on their exams. It seemed like they were purposely writing illegibly because they didn't know the answers; obviously, they'd hoped he would just assume the answers were correct and give them credit anyway. Clearly, they did not know him so well just yet.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Severus stopped for a moment while looking at his window; hadn't a sound just come from there? Surely not… surely he was just becoming delirious from attempting to grade these incomprehensible exams.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Something was definitely at his window, and it wanted to come in. He stood up from the black marble desk and glided to the closed window where he saw a beautiful mahogany owl staring back at him from the window sill. Who would be sending an owl at this time of night? It was past midnight.

He gently opened the glass and beckoned for the owl to come in. Once the owl made her way inside, she perched on the back of the chair where he had been sitting only moments ago. She then lifted her right leg elegantly, showing him the small note that was tied ever so delicately to it.

Severus untied the parchment from the owl and rolled it open carefully; obviously, whoever had felt the need to write this late must be important.

_Professor Snape,_

_I'm sorry to bother you again but I really need to meet with you. I know you have a strict policy on not meeting with students but I'm hoping you will be willing to make an exception just this once. I can't tell you what I need to speak with you about through this letter… there are too many chances of it being intercepted by the wrong person. I promise you I only need a moment and I won't inconvenience you anymore after we meet. Please respond with your answer and attach it to my owl. I eagerly await your response._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Natalya Rose_

This girl again? She had previously sent other messengers to deliver her request but Severus had still always declined. He had no idea why she wanted to meet with him so badly, but he had no intention to. He vaguely remembered her, she was definitely struggling in his potions class. It was hard to remember anything specific about the girl though, for he had so many students come through his class every year.

Severus thought hard for a moment… there had to be _something _he remembered about her; he saw her twice a week. He seemed to recall that she had beautiful emerald green eyes and long, silky jet-black hair that fell in gentle waves around her creamy, caramel skin. He even seemed to remember how perfectly her school robes fit snugly to her shockingly curvaceous frame.

Oh that's right, she was the student that was "off-limits". _She_ was the one he wanted.

Severus balled his fist, crumpling the note in his hand. He couldn't meet with her… he couldn't. A professor having feelings for a student was completely inappropriate, even if she was of age and about to graduate. Besides, his heart had died the day Lily Potter had, and no one would ever be able to make him feel anything ever again.

He elegantly scrawled his one-word answer on a piece of parchment, tied it to the owl, and set it free.


	2. Chapter 2

Natalya scanned her Defense Against the Dark Arts class intently. Surely there was someone in Slytherin house who she could bribe to take her to Snape's private quarters? Surely there was someone who wouldn't ask questions or even think about her request after receiving the money?

Shit. There was not one person in that room that even remotely fit the description. Realistically, there was only one person in the entire school that would take her bribe and then act like nothing ever happened… and next period, he would be in Potions.

After her class was finished, Natalya casually strolled past her Herbology class, which she would be missing, and followed the double Potions class down into the dungeons. Being the only Gryffindor in a dungeon full of Slytherins and Ravenclaws, she didn't want to draw any unneeded attention to herself, so she simply leaned against the wall and pretended to be reading her DADA book until everyone was in the Potions room. For a moment, her heart began to race; what if her bribe wasn't enough? What if this boy couldn't keep quiet? So many things could go wrong, she could get expelled and she was already _so close_ to graduating…

"No," she whispered to herself in the empty hallway. "No, you have to do this. You don't have any other options and you've run out of time."

Natalya took a deep breath, tousled her black mane a bit, smoothed her robes, and exhaled sharply. She then knocked on the large wooden dungeon door.

As the door was opening, she heard Snape already lecturing whoever was knocking on the repercussions of being late, "I do not understand why there is always one student who cannot make it on time. As I'm sure you are aware, I do not allow tardiness in my…"

When the door opened all the way and Snape saw her, he fell silent.

"Excuse me for interrupting your class, Professor Snape. I assure you I meant no disrespect," Natalya smiled warmly. "I'm here because—"

Before she could finish her sentence, Snape had glided over to her and towered over her frighteningly.

"Miss Rose," Snape whispered sharply, "I have refused your request 4 times now. To come see me in the middle of a class is highly inappropriate and unacceptable. I don't know what you want and nor do I care. Now, if I ever catch you in this dungeon again and you _don't_ have a class here, I will see to it that you spend every free moment that you have for the next few months cleaning up after the magical creatures with Filch. Is that clear?"

Natalya was a little taken aback, but she wasn't giving up that easily. She laughed, putting her hands on her hips, "Professor, I'm surprised at you. Do you really think so little of me? I am fully aware that you have no desire to meet with me and that's alright. I didn't come here to speak with you about that. I was sent to retrieve someone from your Potions class."

Snape's face flushed a bright shade of red, unusual considering he was always so pale and colorless, "Oh. My apologies, then. Who do you need?'

"Draco Malfoy."

His face was beginning to return to its normal ashen color beneath his silky curtain of black hair, "And who is it that asked for him?"

She handed him a piece of well-forged parchment, "Lucius Malfoy, of course."

Snape looked it over for a moment before turning back to the class and telling Draco to gather his things. As Draco was putting his potions materials away, Snape turned back to Natalya.

"Miss Rose, I am truly sorry I cannot be of help to you. I never meet with students, you know that. However, I appreciate you thinking of me enough to ask for my counsel."

Natalya took a step closer to Snape and whispered, "Believe me, Professor, I think of you _more_ than enough."

Snape's eyes widened, "Natalya…"

Natalya gently dragged her finger underneath his eyes, "You should get more sleep, Professor. Then again, I don't sleep well alone either."

Before he could say anything else, Draco brushed past both of them and strode down the dungeon hall. Natalya simply smiled and waved to Snape before running after Malfoy. Once she caught up to him and they were far enough into the middle of the dungeon that no one could see them, Natalya grabbed his arm.

"You're father isn't here and he didn't send for you," she said. "I came for you because I have a… proposition."

Draco narrowed his eyes, "What kind of proposition?"

Natalya took a deep breath, "Before I tell you what it is, let me tell you what I'm willing to pay." She reached into her robes and pulled out a red velvet coin purse. "Draco, in return for your help and your absolute _silence_ and _secrecy_ on the matter, I am willing to pay you handsomely."

He thought for a moment, "What exactly do you need me to help you with?"

"I need you to escort me to Professor Snape's personal chambers."

Draco looked wary, "Why?"

She frowned, "You don't need to worry about that. Either you'll do it or you won't."

He contemplated silently before crossing his arms arrogantly, "Absolute secrecy, huh? You know that's going to cost you. You want me to take you there and never tell a soul… I'm not sure you can afford it."

Natalya never faltered, "I assure you, I can."

Draco seemed pleased at her confidence, "Alright. When do you want me to take you there?"

"Tonight."

He scoffed, "Tonight? You can't be serious."

She swung the coin purse from around her wrist, "Is that a problem, Draco?"

He eyed the coin purse hungrily, "I suppose as long as you've got the money, it's no problem at all."

"Then I will see you tonight."

...

At exactly half past one in the morning, Natalya met Draco in the deep recesses of the dungeon, a place so deep most students didn't even know it existed. She was nervous as all hell but she couldn't back out now, not when she was so close to the man she loved.

Draco yawned, "Took you long enough. Now where's my money?"

Natalya dropped a coin purse three times the size of the previous one into Draco's skeletal hands, "I added a few more coins… to ensure your mouth stays shut."

He grinned greedily, "Trust me, you have my word on this one."

Before he could snatch the bag, Natalya held it out of his reach, "And if you should feel the need to tell anyone about our little adventure, I have put a curse on these coins… and let me assure you, you do _not_ want to find out what it is."

Draco nodded impatiently, "Alright, alright."

After he tucked away the bribe, he began to lead Natalya silently through the corridors of the dank dungeon. They went around twists and turns, down staircases and through false floorstones until Natalya was positive that they were lost and would inevitably die in the pits of the dungeon. That was, until Draco held out his hand in a gesture of pause.

"Right around that last corner there is a large set of cathedral stairs. At the top, go to the right and there will only be one door at the end of the hallway. That's Professor Snape's quarters," Draco whispered. "All I will say is that this better be important because Professor Snape isn't shy about getting people expelled who are too nosy in places they shouldn't be."

She etched the directions he gave her into her mind for a moment and then nodded, "This is worth the risk."

He shrugged, "Suit yourself, I'm going back to the Slytherin common room. I'll see you around… if you don't get expelled." Draco then patted his coin-abundant robes happily and disappeared into the darkness of the dungeon.

Natalya took a deep breath before going around the corner and coming upon the cathedral steps. One by one she climbed them, attempting to gather as much courage as she could muster. What would Professor Snape say when she came knocking at his private chambers? Would he even hear what she had to say? Or would he just have her expelled straight-away? So many things could go wrong, she was starting to question whether or not this was a good idea after all. But then it hit her.

Graduation was only months away.

She would never see Snape again after leaving Hogwarts.

This may be her last chance.

With that daunting thought in her mind, she jogged up the remaining stairs and took a right at the top. She then found herself at the beginning of a long, dimly lit hallway that seemed to go on for an eternity. Natalya buried her nerves and fears as deeply as she could before quietly tip-toeing down the hall. When she finally reached the only door at the end, she bit her lip and knocked.


	3. Chapter 3

Immediately, she could feel tension fill the stale dungeon air. Clearly, Professor Snape wasn't used to anyone coming so deep into his territory.

When the door swung violently open, Natalya had to catch her breath for a moment. The man standing in front of her was so unfathomably perfect and beautiful that even if Voldemort himself _Avada Kedavra_'d her right here and now, she would die in pure, unadulterated bliss.

It took him a moment to find his own voice, "Natalya? What could you possibly be doing here?" He sounded furious and… relieved?

She composed herself as best she could, "Professor… professor I have been trying to meet with you for months now and you keep saying no. So… I had to come to you when you couldn't refuse."

Snape furrowed his brow as if there was something he couldn't quite figure out. It took him more than a few moments to even think of a suitable response, "Well what do you want then?"

Natalya breathed a sigh of relief; he was going to hear her out. Despite how happy this made her, the chill of the dungeon made her shiver.

He sighed, "You might freeze to death out there. You can come in for a moment to discuss whatever is so important."

Her face red, Natalya shuffled past Snape into his chambers and perched herself on a delicate looking ottoman. Once he closed the door, he stood a few feet in front of her with his arms crossed. Clearly, that was as comfortable as he was going to get with her here.

"Speak," he commanded irritably.

Natalya fidgeted with her robes, "I've been of age for a few years now… and graduation is in a few months, so I have to tell you this before it's too late."

Snape's entire body tensed as if anticipating a lethal blow. It was almost as if he was preparing himself to hear something horrible.

"I've had Potions with you ever since I was a first year… at first, I wasn't so sure about you. You were so closed off and angry all the time. I wasn't sure what to make of you, to be completely honest. But as the years went on and I had more time in your classes, I realized that something must be hurting you terribly for you to act that way all the time. So I did some asking around and found out about you and Lily Evans—"

At the mention of Lily's name, Snape exhaled sharply as if someone was stabbing him in the chest, "Don't. Natalya, don't."

But she continued, knowing this may be the only chance she ever got, "I know about everything that happened with her. And I also know that you never stopped loving her, which is completely understandable. But after I found out about all that, I started to look at you differently and that's what I'm here now." She stood and walked over to Snape quietly. When she reached him, Natalya caressed the long row of buttons that ran the entire front length of his robes. "I know I'm not Lily… I don't even look anything like her. What I do know is that I—"

Snape grabbed her hand to still it but continued to hold it pressed against his chest, waiting.

Tears brimmed her brilliant jade eyes as she seemingly spoke to the stone floor, "I've loved you for as long as I've known what love is… and now that I'm so close to graduation, I…"

He didn't move their hands as he spoke gently, "I'm much older than you."

She squeezed his hand tightly, fighting back the tears, "I know."

He brushed a lock of hair back from her shoulder delicately, "I'm your professor, it would be inappropriate."

Natalya felt her heart breaking as she squeezed her eyes shut, "I know."

Snape bent down slightly, burying his face in her inky black hair, "You are so beautiful…"

Her eyes snapped open and her stomach flipped. He thought she was beautiful? She lifted her face to look at him, causing their lips to be dangerously close. Her breath immediately caught in her throat.

His bottomless onyx eyes bore into hers intensely as he loomed over her, "I hope you understand the consequences of what you're proposing, Natalya. You could be expelled… I could lose my job…" Snape cupped Natalya's cheek and pressed his forehead to hers. "Such a relationship would be highly frowned upon."

Natalya forced herself to breathe, even though Snape's proximity was making it increasingly difficult. She spoke softly, afraid a single harsh breath might cause him to flinch away and think better of what he was doing. "I know you're regarded very highly in the wizarding world and that being involved with someone like me would only tarnish your reputation, but—"

He traced her highly sculpted cheekbone with his long, slender finger, "It is not my reputation I was concerned with."

She laughed incredulously, "Why would anyone be interested in my personal life?"

"Because you are destined for great things. The ministry already has their eye on you to be an Auror, and a Ministry of Magic Auror cannot have a questionable personal life."

"Why would we be questionable? There are plenty of couples that have large age gaps."

Snape sighed, stepping away from her in order to lift his left sleeve to expose his Dark Mark, "Because an Auror cannot be involved with someone they are sworn to hunt."

Natalya stared at the black and grey tattoo in horror, "You're…?"

He quickly covered the tattoo again, "No, I was. Now, I use my… position in order to provide Dumbledore with information. I am playing both sides."

It took a moment before she walked over to Snape and wrapped her slender hand around his left wrist. To her astonishment, he didn't stop her when she lifted his robe sleeve and traced the tattoo with her fingers.

"Natalya," he warned as she inched closer and closer to him. "You do not understand what you are starting."

She lifted his arm slowly and pressed her rosy lips to his Dark Mark, causing Snape to inhale sharply; even more sharply than when she mentioned Lily Potter's name. Before he could try to warn her again, she replaced his sleeve and let go of his arm.

They stared at each other for a long time before either of them spoke again.

"I cannot give you what you came here looking for, Natalya. I won't ruin any chances you may have at a successful life simply because of your impulsive hormones. I think it would be best if you returned to your dormitory and didn't come back here again," Snape's voice was barely above a whisper, but his deep black eyes were telling her a completely different story than his words. "I know this may seem like something you want now, but I promise you that as soon as you leave this school, I will be nothing but a memory to you. You will find someone more suitable for you, who can give you all the love you deserve. My heart isn't whole, nor do I have enough of it left to give to anyone else. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

Natalya could feel that his words wanted to shred her heart, but her resolve and love for him was like a steel wrapping, protecting her from any of his supposed rejection. Instead of hanging her head in defeat and walking out of his chambers forever, she straightened her spine and strengthened her resolve.

She had to manipulate the situation a little.

"I can see I've come here in vain," she turned away from him and paced around his chambers slowly. When she crossed an archway and came upon his enormous velvet black and green four-poster, she blushed furiously. After a few more moments of carefully planned pacing, she stopped directly in front of his bed. "I'm sorry to have intruded on you like this, Professor. I wasn't trying to force myself or my feelings on you. I just thought… with graduation coming up so quickly, I had to tell you the truth before I didn't have the chance anymore. I really appreciate you listening to me and not laughing about any of this. I'm sure silly things like this happen to you all the time."

He had followed her and was now standing only inches from her, "Thank you for understanding why I cannot get involved."

Natalya bit her lip and nodded, "I understand completely. Your heart still belongs to someone else and I can't do anything about that. Can I just ask for one thing? After that I swear I will leave."

Snape raised a slick black eyebrow questioningly, "I suppose."

She took two steps forward and was now only millimeters from his body. Before speaking, she toyed with his front robe buttons once again, "Would you kiss me?"

He froze, his entire body going rigid as ice, "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"If this is the only time I will ever get to speak with you like this… and you don't wish me to ever return here… I would at least like to know I had a chance to kiss the first man I ever loved, even if he didn't feel the same."

Snape thought very hard for a moment before his resolve to deny her seemingly melted away and he smirked, "For such a beautiful and intelligent witch, you certainly aren't very picky."

Natalya laughed warmly, pulling Snape closer to her, "On the contrary Professor, I think I'm _too_ picky. That's why I only want you."


	4. Chapter 4

Severus was at a loss. He had never felt this way about a woman… not even Lily. As he stood there only a millimeter away from Natalya's brilliant lips, he could feel his determination to reject her melt away like ice in a fire. She was everything he ever wanted, and for some wonderful, crazy reason she wanted him too. He knew she wasn't the type to give up easily and he liked that about her. Even so, for them to have any type of relationship would be completely and utterly inappropriate and he knew that. Dumbledore would be furious, the other professor's would be disgusted, and the entire wizarding world would condemn him as some kind of monster. But he wasn't! _She _approached _him_! Even with all of this knowledge, none of it remotely mattered. He loved her as much, if not more, than he had loved Lily.

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to give her anything in the world she ever wanted to make sure she would always be happy. But he knew better.

"Natalya," he said gently. "This is inappropriate."

Her gaze never faltered, "One kiss and I promise I will leave and never bother you again."

But he didn't want that; he wanted to kiss her again and again and again, every day for the rest of their lives. He wanted her to be his, always.

Even so, he knew her future was too bright for him to be selfish. She would go on to do great things in the Ministry and would one day find someone else to love.

One day… but not today.

He couldn't deny that he wanted to give her what she wanted. What harm could one kiss do? People kissed all the time and never spoke again. If other people could do it, why couldn't they?

Snape coiled his slender hand around the back of her neck and gripped firmly, letting her know exactly what he intended to do. He could feel her skin prickle with goosebumps when he touched her, causing his chest to swell with masculine pride. He pulled her closer and lowered his face to meet hers, their eyes locked the entire time.

Just before he met her lips, he whispered, "Just… one…"

And when their lips collided, it was like a volatile chemical reaction that couldn't be stopped. He tried to be gentle and kiss her romantically but Natalya's body reacted to him violently. She wound her hands in his silky black tresses and gripped so tightly he thought she might break his neck. Their bodies smashed together, desperate to make contact after such denial. Their tongues danced wildly together, tasting each and every inch of each other's mouths. Natalya's breathing was coming more rapidly now, her skin completely flushed. She let go of his hair and cupped his face with both hands as he wound his around her waist. The kiss was like wildfire and no one would be able to put it out until it was sated.

"Severus…" Natalya moaned in between kisses. "Severus…"

His heart hammered painfully when she said his name. How could he ever deny her anything she wanted?

Before he could ask her what he could give her to make her happy, Natalya pushed herself back from him and sat gingerly on his bed.

She said nothing but continued to stare up at him expectantly with glistening jade eyes.

...

Natalya knew she was taking a huge risk, but she couldn't help it. Here she was, in the private chambers of the man she loved, and he just kissed her like it was the end of days. How could she just leave after something like that?

She recognized that horrified look on Severus's face, but she ignored it. He loved her too, that much she could feel in his kiss. He was just afraid of what their relationship would look like, which was understandable to a degree. But love didn't need to make sense to everyone, only to those involved.

She quietly slipped off her robes and tossed them onto the floor. Still silent and unmoving, Severus seemed speechless. The only thing she had worn under her robe was sheer jade and black lingerie, clearly too small and clearly see-through.

"Natalya!" He managed through tight lips. "What are you doing?"

She cocked her head, "Isn't it obvious?"

"I am_ not_ sleeping with a student!"

"We don't have to sleep…" Natalya said coyly, unable to hide her amusement. She had been waiting for this moment for such a long time, there was no point in being shy about it.

Snape snatched her robes off the stone floor and handed them to her roughly, "Cover yourself! This _cannot_ happen!"

She went to take the cloth from him, but when he handed it to her she purposely let it slip to the floor. He was now looming directly over her and she was only wearing lingerie. His eyes slid up and down her scantily clad body slowly, savoring every inch of beautiful flesh he was witnessing.

Natalya stood up and pressed her body against his, stealing another kiss. This time, she controlled herself. It was the most sensual and intimate moment of her entire life and she wanted to enjoy every single second of it.

Severus was clearly losing his will to fight. He groaned and deepened the kiss, burying his spicy tongue deep within her eager mouth. When she pulled at his robes to direct him towards the bed, he didn't even break the kiss in order to oblige her. He swiftly picked her up and laid her gently onto his feather bed. When she began desperately fumbling with his front buttons on his robe, he grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Severus…" She protested weakly.

He gazed into her lovely eyes intently, "Natalya, if we do this there is no going back. If we do this, we must deal with the consequences, whatever they may be."

Natalya placed a small hand on his face, "I am 20 years old, Severus; I'm old enough to make my own decisions. No one is going to tell me how to live my life anymore."

Snape buried his face in the base of her caramel neck, "Then I will give you anything you desire."

She giggled, burying her hands in his hair, "What I desire, Potions Master, is you."

He smiled against her skin before unbuttoning his robes until he was in nothing but his black boxer-briefs. As she knew it would be, his body was absolutely perfect; his skin was milky white and completely unmarred except for his tattoo, but she could see the sleek muscles flexing fluidly beneath the surface of his skin. A dark, thin trail of midnight hair went straight from his belly-button to beyond the waistband of his boxers. For a while, all she could do was stare at him in awe.

"What is it?" Snape asked anxiously. "Why are you staring at me?"

Natalya sat up, "You're just so… perfect."

His face softened and he crawled up the bed to her. Once he was above her, Snape ran his hand down the length of her almost-naked body, making her shiver, "I tried to hide from you for so long…"

She closed her eyes and said nothing, instead just let the feeling of his hands wash over her.

Severus slowly removed her lingerie, preparing to savor every inch of her like a fine mead. Even if this was the only time he was ever allowed with Natalya, he intended to make every second last. He was going to worship her body like the goddess she was.

Never again would Natalya doubt that Snape loved her.


	5. Chapter 5

Natalya awoke several hours later with her face buried deep into Severus's neck. His arms held her gingerly to his still naked body and his face was turned away from her, hidden by a cascade of silky midnight hair. She smiled to herself; Severus was so adorable when he was asleep.

Her body still aching from their hours of lovemaking, Natalya slinked delicately and quietly out of his bed and tiptoed around until she found her robes on the floor at the foot of the bed. She slipped them over her freshly marked flesh and silently made her way through his bedroom door in search of the bathroom.

Before she even made it halfway across his office, Natalya noticed a large stone basin floating eerily above Snape's desk. When she came closer, she noticed there were all different types of runes and symbols etched into the rim. Thick strands of incandescent silver swirled around lazily inside the basin, seemingly projecting flashes of Severus's face within them every so often. She frowned and quickly dipped the tip of her finger into the silver liquid to see what would happen. Almost instantly, a picture began to appear in the swirling liquid, but it was too blurry to make out. If should could only get a little closer…

Before she knew what had happened, Natalya had tipped headfirst into the basin and instead of smashing her head on the stone bottom, she was falling… falling…

"Oomf!" She huffed as her back hit a hard patch of ground. When she sat up, she realized she was on the banks of the Black Lake right outside of Hogwarts. It was an absolutely beautiful day and students were all over the grounds, laughing and relaxing in the warm summer air.

Natalya stood up, dusting off her robes and pulling them closer to herself to ensure no one would know she was naked beneath them. It was then that she heard something behind her.

As she turned around, she saw a lanky teenager sitting with his back against a large tree, scribbling wildly into a brand-new copy of _Advanced Potion Making_. When she got a little closer, she noticed that this boy had shoulder-length black hair that shone like silk beneath the sunlight. His skin was pale and sallow, with sunken cheeks and thick black eyelashes that rested like perfect crescents upon his striking cheekbones.

Severus.

A very young Severus.

Natalya went over and sat next to him, tucking her long hair behind her ear, "Severus?" She whispered. "I don't understand… where are we?"

He didn't answer. In fact, he didn't even look up from his textbook. He simply continued to scribble madly until there was another voice calling his name.

"Severus? Severus, are you over here?" A teenage girl called out.

His eyes lit up and he slammed his potions book shut. When the girl came out of the trees and into their line of sight, Snape looked as though he had just been given the best gift in the world. "Lily!" He cried jubilantly. "I missed you so much! What took you so long? I thought we were hanging out at noon?"

Natalya's heart instantly sank; she now realized that she was in a memory and no one could see her.

Lily came over and sat in front of Severus, her fiery red hair blowing lazily in the gentle breeze, "I'm sorry. I promised James I would have lunch with him."

Severus's mood instantly shifted from glee to anger, "So you're friends with Potter now? Are you serious? He's one of the biggest gits in this place!"

She shrugged nonchalantly, "I know he's a little arrogant, but he really isn't so bad once you get to know him. I promise."

He hesitated for a long moment, clearly torn between arguing with Lily and not wanting to upset her. After what seemed like an eternity, he simply said, "I'll believe it when I see it."

As if right on cue, a small pack of three boys came strolling from behind the line of trees onto the bank where Lily and Severus sat. Natalya recognized them instantly.

James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black.

James was clearly displeased with the scene in front of him, "Oh, hello _Snivelly._ I didn't know you were sulking out here or I wouldn't have come within 20 feet of this place."

Lupin and Black sniggered behind their hands.

Lily frowned, "James you promised me you would be nice to Severus from now on. Remember?"

Sirius nearly choked as he was laughing and trying to speak at the same time, "Awh how cute James, you really promised your little girlfriend you would be nice to _Snivelly_? Let me just ask: who exactly is wearing the trousers here?"

Lupin tried very hard to remain composed but he ended up bursting into laughter as well.

James face reddened at his friends jeers and his head whipped back so fast, Natalya was surprised his neck didn't snap, "Oh yeah? Watch this."

James pointed his wand at Severus, who didn't even retaliate. He simply sat there, staring down Potter's wand, waiting.

Lily jumped up, furious, "JAMES POTTER," she screamed. "YOU PUT THAT WAND DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME, I WILL CURSE YOU MYSELF!"

Snape's cheeks flushed furiously and he snarled directly into Lily's face, "I don't need your help, you dirty little mudblood!"

Lily's mouth hung open in shock, and with tears in her eyes, she said, "Then feel free to never speak to me again, _Snivelly_."

And she stormed back through the trees.

James smirked arrogantly and, while yawning as if bored, muttered, "_Levicorpus_!"

Snape was instantly lifted high into the air and flipped upside down. He struggled fiercely to get free but it was no use. He was up too high.

"Now," said James smirking, his chest swollen with pride, "who would like to see me take off _Snivelly's _undoubtedly dirty trousers?"

"NO!" Natalya screamed, unable to bear watching Snape's humiliation anymore. The scene then began to melt around her and the colors began swirling into something different. When everything materialized again, she was standing in the middle of a dimly lit, dirty kitchen that only held a rickety wooden table and three splintered chairs. She looked around for a moment before realizing there was something moving in the very farthest corner.

When she reached the corner, she found teenage Severus again, only this time his hair was matted and greasy and his mismatched clothes were covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt. Natalya slumped to her knees in front of him and watched with tears in her eyes as he rocked back and forth, his arms wound tightly around his lanky knees, staring into space. She reached out to touch his arm but her hand fell through it like he was a ghost.

Moments later, the back door burst open and a middle-aged couple stumbled into the kitchen, hardly able to hold themselves up without the help of the counter.

"Where is that—_hiccup!_ —useless boy, Tobias?" The woman asked loudly. "He was supposed to have this place—_hiccup!_ —cleaned up. Looks like no dinner for him!"

The man, Tobias, giggled drunkenly, "Stupid kid, can't do anything right."

Severus didn't even look up.

The woman frowned when she saw Severus in the corner. She lurched over to him and grabbed him very roughly by his frighteningly thin arm, dragging him across the kitchen, "Can't you even—_hiccup!_ —follow simple directions? What the _fuck_ are you good for, boy?"

Snape looked up at the hook-nosed woman and said simply, "Hello Eileen, I see you have been drinking again."

His mother slapped him as hard as she possibly could across the face. Severus spat out a little blood.

The man who Natalya could only assume was Snape's father came over and grabbed Severus by his hair so violently, he actually took a large chunk of it out. He then threw Severus into the table, causing it to shatter and splinter beneath him. Natalya could do nothing but watch in horror.

She had never known.

She kneeled next to Severus and tried to help him, but again her hands fell through him like he was made of air. She was forced to watch him lay there with a broken wrist and several wood splinters lodged in his leg. He never even shed a tear.

His parents stumbled into the next room without even looking back at him. The last thing she heard his father say was, "Stupid prat, I never wanted him anyway."

Natalya then felt something pulling her up, even as she desperately tried to stay with the teenage Severus. The memory dissolved and seconds later, she was back in Snape's office, staring down into the stone basin, her own tears adding to its contents.

She felt a large hand on her shoulder and before she could question it, the hand whipped her around so hard she thought she would fall over from the force. In front of her stood the adult Severus, half-dressed and disheveled, his eyes wide with horror and rage. Natalya was still crying and she couldn't stop it. There was nothing in the world that could make this pain go away.

"Did you have a good time?" He asked, snarling through gritted teeth. "Did you enjoy my childhood?"

Natalya's legs were begging to give way beneath her; it was all too much, "I… I didn't know… I had no idea…"

Snape grabbed her robes roughly, "I don't need your pity!"

The tidal wave of tears kept coming as she felt her heart like a million shattered pieces in her chest, "Severus," She sobbed, her legs finally giving way and crashing into the stone floor. "I am so, so sorry. I… I could never… never forgive anyone that hurt you… I…"

Natalya buried her face in her hands, letting the pain of everything she witnessed wash over and consume her. It felt like a black hole, sucking in everything within its path. The horrifying reality of what she just witnessed felt like a precipice that she would never be able to climb out of. Never.

If she lived to be a thousand, she would never forgive those who hurt Severus.

He knelt down to her and lifted his face with his hand, forcing her to look at him. When she realized the look on his face had not softened at all, it was too late.

"Get out," Snape commanded quietly.

Horror became etched on her face, "Severus, please no…"

He yanked her into a standing position by her robes, "Get your clothes and _get out_."

Natalya felt her whole world begin to crumble. Last night had been the best of her entire life: she had made love with the man of dreams and they had fallen asleep together after talking about their lives; though apparently, Severus had not been completely honest about his. And now that she had seen some of his worst memories, he was willing to throw everything away.

She clung to him, unwilling to let his wounded ego destroy what they had, "Please Severus, don't do this to me. It was an accident, I swear! I didn't mean to go snooping around. I wasn't laughing at you! The things I saw in there… the fact that you are still here and such a phenomenal person after all that happened to you, it makes me only have so much more respect for you. I want to do everything I can to make that pain go away for you—"

Severus remained completely rigid as she spoke. Before she could finish he pushed her roughly away and disappeared into the bedroom. Within seconds he reemerged, shoving an armful of clothing and other miscellaneous items of Natalya's into her arms. He then dragged her by her arm to the door and tossed her out into the drafty dungeon hallway.

"If you ever come back here, I will have you expelled. I don't care what Professor McGonagall has to say about it, either. Go back to your dormitory and don't speak to me unless you have a Potions class. Do I make myself perfectly clear, Miss Rose?"

Natalya stood there, dumbstruck, "Did you… did you use me?" She whispered, mortified by the sheer thought.

Severus hesitated for a moment before simply saying, "I told you you weren't very picky."

And then he shut the door in her face, leaving her half-naked and freezing in the dungeon hallway.


	6. Chapter 6

For a long time, Natalya didn't move. When she did move, she'd only managed to fall into a crumpled heap onto the floor outside Snape's door. She didn't even put all of her clothes back on, she simply remained on the floor, covered in nothing but her robes. Natalya wasn't sure how long she stayed like that; the only thing she was sure of was that she would never be happy again.

Natalya had managed to find her way out of the dungeon some time later and returned to Gryffindor Tower; on her way there, she noticed everyone was making their way to breakfast in the Great Hall. She somehow found the strength to bathe, get dressed, and make herself presentable right as breakfast started. When she reached the Great Hall, everyone was laughing and chatting animatedly like they didn't have a care in the world. Only a few days ago, that had been her.

She took her usual seat, and soon Ron and Harry took their traditional seats around her. Ron began stuffing his face so quickly he couldn't get two words out, but Harry was eyeing Natalya suspiciously.

"You look like hell, Nat," Harry remarked, his voice full of concern. "Is everything ok?"

Natalya ruffled her still wet hair and just shrugged.

"You know who else looks like shit this morning?" Ron managed through his mouthfuls of pancakes. "Professor Snape."

Natalya tried as nonchalantly as she could to look over at the head table where all the professors congregated. When her eyes found him, she knew Ron was right. Snape looked like he hadn't slept in months, his hair was still disheveled from their night of lovemaking, and his usually crisp robes were wrinkled and slovenly.

For a brief moment, their eyes met.

Natalya was the one to turn away.

Harry seemed to notice their exchange and he whispered, "Is something… going on?"

She bit her lip, knowing she couldn't lie to her friends forever, "It's complicated, alright?"

He frowned at her, "Nat, when have we ever kept secrets? Just tell me what's wrong and maybe I can help."

"I seriously doubt that," she sighed, laying her head on her arms. "Trust me, it's better if you don't know."

"Okay," Harry said lightly, getting to his feet. "I'll just go ask Professor Snape then."

"No!" Natalya shrieked so loudly that half of the Great Hall turned to look at her questioningly. She had grabbed his arm so fast it nearly ripped his robes.

Harry grinned, sitting back down, "Then I suggest you talk."

...

After an in depth and detailed description of everything that had transpired the previous night, Natalya felt strangely lighter… like telling someone what happened was what she needed to feel just a bit better. Her friends, however, did not seem to be as enthusiastic.

Harry and Ron sat staring and Natalya for what seemed like a very long, very awkward time.

"You guys," Natalya hissed, blushing furiously. "Say something!"

Ron was the first to speak, "Bloody hell."

Harry seemed unable to process what he had just heard, "You… you slept with him?"

Natalya blushed fiercely again and nodded.

"But he's…" Ron grimaced, "older than us."

"And he's a Death Eater," Harry added, his voice strained.

"And he's a professor," Ron added again.

"And you're a—"

Harry was interrupted by Pansy Parkinson elbowing Natalya roughly directly into her plate of food, staining her clean robes.

"You're _excused_," Pansy snarled haughtily. "Fucking mudbloods think they can just get in the way of purebloods."

Natalya couldn't help what happened next; she snapped.

"Pansy!" She shouted, getting up from the Gryffindor table. "I think I missed that. What did you call me?"

Pansy turned around, a devilish smirk on her pursed lips, "I said, 'fucking _mudblood_'—"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence. Natalya pulled out her wand and yelled, "_Stupefy_!"

Unfortunately, Pansy was able to dodge the spell, sending her own right back, "_Crucio_!"

Natalya was knocked halfway across the Great Hall, but luckily Pansy's Cruciatus curse didn't have enough strength behind it to cause any actual pain. When her back hit the stone floor, the air rushed out of her lungs with a great _whoosh_. Professor McGonagall came rushing from the teacher's table to Natalya.

"What on earth is going on here?!" McGonagall demanded.

Natalya was furious; Pansy Parkinson just used an _Unforgivable_ curse on her! There was not a force in the world that would make her forget that.

She forced herself up, wincing at the pain in her back. Even though McGonagall was trying to hold her arm, Natalya snatched it away and ran at Pansy, who was now halfway down the outer corridor, with all the speed she could muster. She would not let anyone else ever push her around again.

Pansy turned around and stood in a dueling stance, ready to take another shot when she could.

But Natalya would make sure she would never get another chance.

"_Sectumsempra_!" Natalya screamed without thinking, all the rage and fury from being rejected by Snape pouring into her wand and her spell.

Luckily the hall was empty because as the invisible scimitar slashed at Pansy's torso, blood splattered all over the floor and quickly formed an expanding puddle beneath her body. She sputtered, blood coming from her mouth as well.

Natalya stood over her, her chest still heaving from her rage.

"Be careful who you call a mudblood," she hissed through clenched teeth.

At that moment, Professor McGonagall came rushing out of the Great Hall followed closely by Professor Snape. They both looked horrified at the scene before them. Pansy lay shaking on the cold stones, her chest wounds gushing blood. McGonagall turned to Natalya, her eyes wide and mouth gaping.

"Miss Rose," she managed. "I don't know _what_ happened between you two, but it is _never_ acceptable to curse another student, especially so brutally! I am afraid I may have no choice but to expel you!"

Natalya's heart sank and instantly her high disappeared, "No! Professor, I'm so close to graduating!"

Snape stepped forward in his usual fluid, menacing way, "I don't believe that will be necessary, Minerva. I assure you," he knelt down next to Pansy, taking out his wand. "I know the healing spell for this."

McGonagall watched warily as Snape muttered a delicate sound, almost like a song, and waved his wand hypnotically over Pansy's already healing chest. Once the puddle of blood had been cleared and receded into the body from which it came, McGonagall spun back around to Natalya, still furious.

"While I do believe it would be a horrible shame to expel such a promising student, I simply cannot let this go unpunished. You will have a month's detention with Filch, and after that you should be painfully aware that I will be keeping an extra close eye on you," McGonagall fumed, her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest.

Professor Snape stepped forward, "If I might interject, Minerva?"

She nodded begrudgingly.

"Filch has taken to… working his detention students until they are sent to the hospital wing at the brink of exhaustion. As Miss Rose is one of the top students in her year, might her being incapacitated… hamper her chances at the Ministry? Final N.E.W.T.S. are coming up soon, after all."

McGonagall's expression softened a little as she considered his suggestion, "You might be right, Severus. Perhaps it would be best if she were to serve detention with you in the dungeons instead."

He froze and managed through tight lips, "That is _not_ what I meant."

She disregarded this, "Miss Rose, meet Professor Snape in the dungeons tonight at 8 for your first detention. Two hours each night should do it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take Miss Parkinson to the hospital wing."

As McGonagall disappeared around the corner with Pansy in her arms, Natalya turned to Snape; his face was a blank slate, "8 o'clock in the dungeons, then."

And he disappeared around the corner. The only thing left for her to do was walk back into the Great Hall to rejoin her friends.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a painfully long day.

First, a Blast-Ended Skrewt singed off half of her eyebrow in Care of Magical Creatures, then Natalya was bitten by a seemingly harmless tree stump in Herbology. If all of that wasn't enough, her friends were treating her with increasing discontent ever since breakfast.

"Hey Harry," Natalya whispered in Defense Against the Dark Arts, "I forgot my book up in Gryffindor Tower, can I borrow yours for a second?"

Harry seemed to survey her for a moment before begrudgingly shoving his book towards her.

"Uh… thanks," she mumbled. What was his problem?

Once the lecture concluded, the students were assigned to start practicing the new countercurses they had just learned with their table. Ron and Harry turned to each other without even acknowledging Natalya's presence.

"Uhm… guys?" She said. "Is anyone interested in telling me what exactly crawled up your asses today?"

Harry simply stiffened his shoulders and made his way across the room to work with Neville instead, leaving Natalya dumbfounded.

"Ron, will you _please_ tell me what is going on with you two? You have both been acting strange since breakfast!"

Ron chewed his bottom lip nervously, "Harry's my best mate, you know? I have to have his back, no matter how much of a prat he is sometimes."

She furrowed her brow in confusion, "I don't understand what you're saying."

He sighed, "I'm not mad. But Harry's a bit… put out with you, Nat. Did you ever think of how it might feel for him to find out that you… you know, fancy Snape? After all, he has given Harry a hard time for the last 7 years."

Natalya scoffed, "So you're telling me that Harry is upset with me because I fancy someone who hates him? That's ridiculous."

Ron looked around quickly to make sure no one was listening to their conversation before continuing, "Not only that… blimey Nat, don't you know?"

"Know what?"

"Harry fancies _you_," Ron whispered, his ears reddening. "He's jealous."

She almost choked on her own breath, "What, seriously?"

He nodded, "He told me last summer. He wanted to ask you to the Yule Ball in 4th year but you had already said yes to Malfoy, remember? And then last summer he told me how he felt about you right before you got to the Burrow."

"But… we're friends!" She protested, then biting her lip, "Still, if I would have known all that, I wouldn't have said anything to you guys this morning. I would have kept it to myself."

Ron didn't reply.

"Do you… do you think he's going to stay mad at me? I mean, we're all best friends! We can't just stop being friends over something silly like—"

"What's silly, Miss Rose?" Professor Lupin interjected warmly. "Whatever it is, it must be important enough to distract you from your countercurses."

She blushed, "I'm sorry, Professor."

From then until the end of class, Natalya and Ron didn't discuss Harry any further. Once the bell rang, Harry snatched up his things and stormed out of the room before either Ron or Natalya had the chance to catch up with him.

The next class was even worse.

"Potions," groaned Ron as he followed Natalya into the dungeons for their biweekly Potions lesson. "If there was one class I wanted to drop after O.W.L.s, it was Potions; but no, Mum says if I want to work at the Ministry like Dad and Percy, I have to have Potions. Who the bloody hell said I ever wanted to work at the Ministry?!"

Not only was Natalya terrible at Potions, and not only was Snape the only Potions Master in the whole school, but Harry, Ron, and Natalya all sat together as well.

She could not remember a worse day.

As soon as everyone was seated in the dungeon, Snape glided in like usual, his deep black eyes now adorned with bluish-purple circles beneath them from lack of sleep. He waved his wand carelessly at the chalkboard and the recipe for their daily warm-up potion appeared.

"For your warm-up potion today, you will concoct a cauldron full of Veritaserum. At this point in your magical education, this is something you should be able to do with your eyes closed," Snape announced drearily. "After I inspect all the cauldrons, we will move on to poisons."

Everyone looked at each other and there was a unanimous mutter of "_Poison?!_"

He whipped his head around to glare at each and every one of them, "You will all do well to keep your mouths shut! If you have a problem with the things I teach in my class, feel free to spend your time elsewhere… perhaps, in the Forbidden Forest hunting beasts with Hagrid for detention?"

Instantly, every mouth in the room audibly snapped shut. No one had any intention on going into the Forbidden Forest, not after Ernie Macmillan had been killed by unfriendly centaurs during a detention the previous year.

"That's what I thought. Now get started," Snape snarled.

With Harry not speaking to her, Natalya felt increasingly uncomfortable and out of place at their little table. As she was never gifted with fantastic social skills, Natalya never had many friends and Hogwarts was the only place she had ever really managed to make any. Granted, she only really considered Harry and Ron to be her actual friends, but it wasn't until now that Natalya realized just how much she depended on them. With only one of them acknowledging her existence, Natalya felt just like she did back home in the muggle world; like an outsider, like someone who didn't belong.

As she was never terribly skilled at Potions, Natalya was struggling with her Veritaserum. Her potion so far was a neon orange and smelled like moldy cheese. It was then that she noticed both Harry and Ron were having trouble getting their potion to turn the proper shade of silver as well; Harry's was a murky gray and Ron's looked like melted white crayons.

"I'm having trouble too... maybe we could all work together so at least one of us might get credit?" She offered to whoever would listen.

Ron scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "I, uh, think I need more unicorn hair. I'll be right back," and he made his way, very slowly, across the classroom and to the store cupboard.

"Harry… do you want to work together? I could—"

He looked at her, his eyes full of fury, "You know what, Natalya? Why don't you piss off? You are always so bloody clingy and needy. Can't you manage to do anything without us? It's pathetic. I can tell your parents were muggles."

Every pair of eyes in the classroom was pointed directly at them.

Harry had not kept his voice down.

Natalya blushed violently, but before she could say anything, Professor Snape had made his way over to their table.

He stared down his hooked nose at them, "Is something wrong?"

Harry sat in silence, clearly still fuming as he threw ingredients carelessly into his cauldron.

When he didn't receive an answer from Harry, Professor Snape turned to Natalya, "Well?"

It took her a moment to collect herself, but she attempted a shaky smile, "No sir, nothing."

Snape stared at Natalya for what seemed like ages, and as the severity of Harry's words sank into her mind, tears began to well up in the corners of her eyes. Horrified at this open sign of weakness, she tried to wipe her eyes on her sleeve surreptitiously.

"Professor," she managed, her voice shaking. "I don't feel well. May I go see Madam Pomfrey?"

His face softened for the first time since she had been in his bed, "Of course. Get some rest and I will see you for detention at 8 o'clock."

Natalya didn't say anything else, she simply shoved her things into her bag as quickly as possible and darted out the door and up to Gryffindor Tower.

...

At precisely 8 o'clock that evening, Natalya was knocking at the door of Professor Snape's office in the dungeons. When the door swung open, he was standing before her with the most peculiar look on his face.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

She shrugged.

"Well, let's get started then," Snape beckoned her into his office. "I think for detention tonight, you can help me grade these essays written by the first years. This shouldn't be terribly difficult."

Natalya dutifully sat in the chair on the opposite side of Snape's desk as he sat down. He divided the stack of essays into two piles and handed her a spell-check quill. Neither of them said another word for the rest of the evening, other than Professor Snape letting Natalya know her two hours was over.

The next weeks' worth of detentions were much the same way; silently grading essays and potions recipes written by other students. It wasn't until her 9th detention that the silence was finally broken.

"Pansy Parkinson must have done something terrible to incur your wrath like that," said Snape idly. "That spell you used would have easily killed her had I not been there. I happen to be the only one who knows the countercurse for that."

"I know, but I was so angry," Natalya scratched out a misspelled word on the parchment she was observing. "She tried to use the Cruciatus curse on me."

His quill stopped moving at once, "What?"

She didn't dare look up, "After I tried to stupefy her, she came back at me with the Cruiciatus curse. Must not have meant it though, all she managed to do was knock me back pretty hard."

"And why did you attempt to stupefy her in the first place?" He asked, his voice softer now.

Her hand froze and clenched the quill tightly in her fist, although she managed a sickly sweet smile, "She called me a mudblood."

Snape set his quill down and reached for hers. When he took it from her hand, small droplets of blood oozed from her palm onto his desk.

He waved his wand over her palm, instantly closing the wound, "There will always be people like Pansy Parkinson, who think they are better because their blood is pure. You can't curse them all."

Her voice was small, "It doesn't matter where I go. There were people like her in the muggle world I grew up in, who always told me I didn't belong because I am nothing at all like my parents... I don't even look like them! When I finally thought I had found a home in the wizarding world, I found out that muggle-borns were the outcasts. Either way, I don't belong. I know you wouldn't understand because you come from a wizarding family but…"

Snape made his way around the desk and pulled her up gently. He lifted her chin so she could look at him, "It seems you have forgotten what you saw in my pensieve. My parents are only slightly more magical than yours."

Natalya felt the tidal wave of angry tears inching closer and closer to the forefront of her mind, "They were so horrible to you."

He didn't say a word.

The longer the silence stretched on, the more she felt her anger melt away, "Why were you so mad at me for seeing your memories?"

Snape sighed, running his hands through his silky tresses, "I don't like looking weak. All of those things are in the past, they shouldn't matter to anyone anymore."

She looked into his inky black eyes, "It matters to me."


	8. Chapter 8

For a moment, it seemed like time had stopped. They simply stood there and stared at each other, unable to find the proper words to fill the air. The intense silence between them stretched on and on, until finally…

He kissed her.

It wasn't a slow, intimate, romantic kiss like last time. No, this was something much darker, much more volatile. Snape's hands wound around Natalya's onyx hair, desperately trying to keep pulling her closer and closer, like he was afraid she would disappear. He crushed their lips together, bruising them indefinitely.

Natalya didn't protest.

She clenched the front of his robes so tightly, she tore the fabric from its seams. Her tongue danced wildly with his, leaving behind all pretense of shyness or delicacy. After everything she had witnessed in his pensieve, Natalya wanted to do anything and everything she could to make sure Severus would never feel pain again.

Without breaking their kiss, Natalya pulled Severus towards the desk and with one arm, blindly knocking everything she could reach onto the stone floor. Once the desk was cleared, she pulled away from Snape slightly and whispered, "Right now."

Snape obliged without a word, picking her up by her hips and placing her atop his black marble desk. She wound her long, slender legs around his waist, gripped the front his torn robes, and pulled him down to kiss her once more.

Severus groaned, "Natalya, _please_…"

She dragged her lips from his mouth to his pale neck, planting kisses on every open expanse of flesh that she could reach. He groaned even louder.

"You ignored me for over a week, Severus. I was two feet away from you and you pretended like I wasn't there," Natalya chided sweetly, her lips never leaving his skin for more than half a second. "Now, I think it's time you make it up to me."

Snape's breath caught in his throat, "Detention… is supposed to be punishment, not reward," he managed, chuckling lightly.

She made a heart on his neck with her tongue, her hot breath cascading across his skin like wildfire, "You can punish me if you want."

He laughed between hitched breath, "That is not… what I meant. There are… rules that must be followed…"

"To Hell with the 'rules', Severus. I want you. Now," she had stopped kissing him and her liquid jade eyes now burned into his. "We don't have to tell anyone here. No one has to know about us. I just can't go back to the way things were; not after this. Not after I know you feel the same way about me."

For a brief moment, she thought Snape would argue with her. Instead, he grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her again.

Natalya knew he was giving in to her; she began fumbling wildly with the buttons on the front of his robes and he quickly began undoing hers as well. Once she managed to undo all of his buttons, he shook his arms and his robes slid fluidly to the stone floor. Once again, Natalya was left in awe at how perfectly sculpted Snape's body truly was. In his robes, it was impossible to tell but standing in front of her in nothing but emerald green boxer-briefs that hugged his slender yet muscular thighs, she could see that how she remembered him a week ago was just completely unfair to him. He was so much more beautiful than she gave him credit for. Sleek, forceful muscles bunched beneath his skin like he was a predator ready to pounce. Luckily, she would be his prey tonight.

She tore at her own robes, frustrated with how Snape was taking his time with her, and threw them behind the desk carelessly. Once she was in nothing but her blood-red lingerie, Natalya pulled Snape by the waistband of his boxer-briefs until he realized what she wanted, and he climbed on top of her atop the cold marble desk. She tangled her hands in his long hair, tugging at it every time he kissed her neck or collarbone just right.

Snape's lips pressed against Natalya's collarbone… breastbone… belly button… hip bone…

"Severus!" Natalya gasped, his proximity to her most private areas making her tremble violently.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Snape and Natalya both froze, their eyes locked in mutual horror.

...

"Shhh," Snape motioned with a finger to his mouth. He slid quietly from the desk and dressed faster than Natalya had ever seen anyone dress in her entire life. He then silently handed Natalya her robes and beckoned for her to hide behind his marble desk. She complied without a second thought.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"I'm coming," said Snape in his usual irritated tone. When he opened the door, he was staring directly into the face of Albus Dumbledore.

"Good evening, Severus," Dumbledore smiled warmly. "Not busy, I hope?"

Snape hesitated for a moment, "Of course not. Please, come in."

Once the headmaster stepped into the room and Snape closed the door behind him, Dumbledore turned to him, "I trust you know why I am here tonight, Severus?"

Natalya heard him fidgeting with the few buttons he had missed on the front of his robes, "I cannot say that I do, headmaster."

Dumbledore took a seat in the chair that Natalya had occupied earlier that evening, only feet from her hiding place, "Harry Potter has just come to me with the most interesting, albeit far-fetched news."

Natalya's heart sank.

Snape made his way behind the desk and took his seat, careful not to look at Natalya, "Oh, really? And what might this news be?"

Dumbledore sat back, crossing his legs, "He is under the impression that you are behaving inappropriately with a student."

Natalya gripped Snape's ankle tightly.

"I see," Severus said, incredulous. "Well, Potter was always one for tall tales."

There was a brief moment of silence in which Natalya felt Severus's entire body tense up.

"Trying Legilimency on me, headmaster?" Snape growled, clearly displeased.

The headmaster chuckled lightly, "Now, now Severus, I know you are as skilled at Occlumency as I am at Legilimency. I just thought I might give it a try since you don't seem terribly inclined to tell me the truth here tonight."

"The truth, headmaster? Truth about what, exactly?"

Dumbledore's voice remained calm and conversational, "About you and Miss Natalya Rose."

Snape said nothing.

"Severus," Dumbledore sighed warmly, a half-smile still on his face, "do you really believe I am here to reprimand you? After everything you have gone through with Lily Evans, why would you imagine I would hinder you ever being happy again? I had to watch you fall apart, Severus. I would not wish to bring that upon you again."

Snape let out a rush of breath, "Thank you, headmaster."

"Now, I understand that Miss Rose is well over the legal wizarding age and is only months from graduation, but I must ask you both to keep this as quiet as possible. As I am sure you know, a relationship like this would cause an uproar not only among the students, but among their parents as well. I am sure you are fully aware that Miss Rose has already been offered a place at the Ministry of Magic as a junior Auror upon her graduation, and with you appealing to Voldemort's weakness for inside information… well, I'm sure you can see how a relationship between the two of you might look to the Ministry. I certainly have no opposition to such a relationship between you two, but I can promise that the Ministry… and even some in the Order might feel differently. For both of your sakes, keep this quiet. The last thing you want is to give Voldemort the option to hold something, or someone, against you. He would kill her without a second thought if he thought it would keep you loyal."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut, "I, too, came to that conclusion."

Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, "If there was ever a time to remove yourself from the Dark Lord's service, Severus, it would be now."

He tensed again, his muscles like steel, "You know I can't do that. Once you're a Death Eater…" But the rest of his sentence remained unspoken.

The headmaster remained silent for a long time before he spoke again, "In that case, you must continue to teach Harry Potter Occlumency this year. He knows about you and Miss Rose, which in turn means that Voldemort will know soon. And no matter what, we _must_ prevent that from happening."

Snape's eyes darkened, "He did not take well to the lessons last time, if you remember."

"I do. However, I refuse to let your mutual hatred be the literal death of Miss Rose. Not when you are the one who dragged her into this mess, Severus. You must start giving Harry Occlumency lessons starting tomorrow night, before his mind has too many chances to be vulnerable to penetration."

"Fine," sighed Snape, defeated. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew Dumbledore was right anyway. If he didn't force Occlumency on Harry, there was a very good chance that Voldemort would read his mind and use Natalya as some sort of sick leverage against Severus to ensure his true loyalty.

"Excellent," Dumbledore said, smiling as he stood. "I will let Harry know he can meet you here tomorrow evening. Shall we say around 6?"

Snape only nodded.

Just before he reached the door, the headmaster turned back to Severus, "If I am not mistaken, Harry is quite jealous of your relationship with Miss Rose. It might be wise to have him leave here well before she is to arrive for her detentions, as to avoid any trouble."

"Of course."

"Oh, and Severus?" Dumbledore said just as he crossed the threshold of the door. "As skilled as you are at disillusionment charms, I find it interesting that you chose for her to hide under the desk. Have a pleasant evening."

And with a smile still on his face, Dumbledore shut the door and left Natalya and Snape staring at each other in a stunned silence.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day was much the same. Harry refused to speak to or even be in close proximity to Natalya, and Ron, although begrudgingly, ignored her as well. Once they finished their morning classes, they went to the Great Hall for lunch before an afternoon of Divination and Care of Magical Creatures.

Natalya sat in her usual spot at the Gryffindor table, but Ron and Harry chose to sit as far from her as they could manage. She had expected this, but sighed nonetheless.

"Why are you sitting alone?"

She turned to see Hermione Granger staring at her quizzically, "Let's just say we all aren't getting on at the moment."

Hermione took the seat next to Natalya and began picking from the food at the table as she took out her Ancient Runes textbook, "What happened?"

"Harry's jealous."

Hermione laughed, "Saw that one coming; he's fancied you for as long as I can remember. Who's the lucky guy he's jealous of?"

Natalya blushed, "He's uhm… he's not a student here."

"Okay," her friend said between bites of chips. "So where does he go? Durmstrang? Oooh, you _would_ be the one to have a boyfriend abroad!"

Natalya bit her lip anxiously, "He's not a student. He, uh, graduated quite a while ago."

Hermione whipped around to face her, her eyes wide, "He's older?! How _much_ older?"

It was at this point that everyone within earshot was staring directly at the two of them. Both girls immediately began to dig a little too voraciously into their plates until the people around them lost interest and went back to their own conversations.

Natalya made sure no one was listening before turning to Hermione, "He's a—"

"WHAT?!"

Everyone's attention was instantly turned to the end of the Gryffindor table, where Harry and Professor Snape were glaring at each other murderously.

"I don't like it any more than you do, Potter," Snape growled. "But the headmaster demanded it. If you do not meet me in my office at 6:00 this evening, I will keep you in detention during every remaining Quidditch match until the day you leave this school. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Harry clenched his fists, "You can't do that!"

A sinister smile crossed Snape's colorless face, "Try me."

With that, Snape turned on his heel and strode out of the Great Hall, his long black robes billowing angrily behind him.

Hermione frowned, slowly returning her attention to her food, "I wonder what that was all about?"

All Natalya could do was give a noncommittal shrug.

...

It was precisely 6:00 when Snape heard an aggressive knock on his office door. He sighed out of frustration; he knew it was his own fault that Harry needed to learn Occlumency again, but it didn't make him any less pissed off about it.

"Come in," he snarled, already dreading the next hour and a half.

With Snape's office set up the exact same way as it had been for the Occlumency lessons a few years ago, Harry came in and sat exactly where he had before. So much tension filled the small office, it was stifling.

"Why is Dumbledore making me learn Occlumency again?" Harry demanded. "It didn't help last time."

Snape made his way to the spot directly in front of Harry, as he had done so many nights before, "It would seem that you have obtained some information that we would like to keep from the Dark Lord."

Harry snorted derisively, "Like what?"

Snape took out his wand, hissing furiously through his teeth, "Like knowledge of relationships that are none of your concern!"

Harry's eyes widened in understanding before rage spread across his face, "Because of _you_…Voldemort might come after her! Because you're a Death Eater!" He spat the last words.

"I will _not_ have you judge me, Potter. Not until you take a look into your family tree and see some of the things your father has done!"

There was long moment of silence, and Snape knew Harry didn't argue with him because he had seen what his father was like during his time at Hogwarts.

As much as he genuinely disliked the boy, Snape knew he had to take another approach if he was ever going to get Harry to make a proper effort at Occlumency, "I know you don't want to do this, Potter. Truthfully, I do not enjoy it either. But with the current situation, we either do this or Miss Rose will almost certainly be…" He could bring himself to finish.

Harry's rage seemed to dissipate a little, "I couldn't live if I was responsible for handing her over to Voldemort."

Snape sighed, "Nor I."

There was another long moment of silence before Harry spoke again, "Alright. Fine. Let's do this then."

"Good. Now, how much do you remember from our lessons 2 years ago?"

"Not much," he mumbled.

Very consciously trying to control his frustration and annoyance, Snape made sure his voice was level, "I will attempt to penetrate your mind, you will attempt to resist. Imagine your mind like a large room and imagine keeping me out like shutting the door to the room and locking it very tightly. I have found that you can be very good at Occlumency if you focus on keeping that door absolutely impenetrable. Do you understand?"

Harry frowned but nodded, "Let's go."

Snape raised his wand at Harry and staring directly into his eyes, yelled, "_Legilimens_!"

Instantly every thought and feeling running through Harry's mind was in Snape's mind as well. He watched as Harry tried to get up the courage to ask Natalya to the Yule Ball, only to find out she had said yes to Draco Malfoy already. He could feel how broken Harry's heart had been once he discovered who Natalya was going with. Snape saw Harry sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised, his dead parents standing behind him and smiling like they could never be happier. He saw Harry listen as Natalya described her night with Snape; he could feel how furious, betrayed, and heartbroken Harry had felt at that moment. He also felt just how much Harry really loved Natalya.

"Stop!" Harry bellowed, his knuckles white from clenching the arms of the chair. "That's all private, damn it!"

Snape lowered his wand, attempting to catch his breath as well; Legilimency was unbelievably tiring. "Then try _harder_." He let Harry regain his composure for a moment before raising his wand again, "Shall we go again?"

Harry wiped his sweat-soaked forehead on the sleeve of his robes before growling, "Yes."

"_Legilimens_!"

Instantly, Snape's mind was once again flooded with Harry's feelings and memories, but they were quicker and less focused than last time. He saw flashes of Lily and James, Sirius hugging Harry, Harry facing Voldemort in the graveyard; the only memory that was incredibly crisp and in focus was Natalya falling asleep with her head on Harry's lap. Snape felt exactly how Harry's heart had swelled in that moment and how he could imagine it being that way for the rest of life.

Snape felt rage swell inside of him, "Oh, _please_."

Harry fell forward on the chair, his elbows on his knees as he tried to compose himself, "I saw the door that time… I tried to keep it closed but I could still feel you there."

It took all of Snape's self-control to keep from exploding from what he had just seen and felt. "You did better that time," he said shortly. "Everything was less clear."

After another few moments, Harry sat up, "One more time. I think I understand about the door now."

Snape nodded, raising his wand, "_Legilim_—"

But before he could finish, Harry had raised his wand and shouted, "_Protego_!"

Being caught completely off-guard, Snape didn't have time to erect his mental walls to protect his memories. He could feel Harry in his mind, seeping into his thoughts like a poison. Horror spread throughout his body… just like when Snape used Legilimency, Harry was standing directly in the memory, witnessing everything as though he was in the room when it happened.

_"I've loved you for as long as I've known what love is… and now that I'm so close to graduation, I…"_

_ "I'm much older than you."_

_ "I know."_

_ "I'm your professor, it would be inappropriate."_

_ "I know."_

_ He buried his face in her inky black hair, "You are so beautiful…"_

The memory shifted.

_"Natalya, you do not understand what you are starting."_

_ She lifted his left arm and pushed up his sleeve, pressing her warm, rosy lips to his Dark Mark. He inhaled sharply._

The memory shifted.

_"Would you kiss me?"_

_ He was horrified, "Why would you ask such a thing?"_

_ "If this is the only time I ever get to speak to you like this… and you don't wish me to ever return here… I would at least like to know I had a chance to kiss the first man I ever loved, even if he didn't feel the same."_

_ He smirked, something he was not familiar with, "For such a beautiful and intelligent witch, you certainly aren't very picky."_

_ She laughed, "On the contrary Professor, I think I'm _too_ picky. That's why I only want you."_

The memory shifted.

_Snape removed her lingerie, resigned to the fact that he loved her to depths of his soul. He had known there was no turning back from the moment she showed up at his office door. His mind was conflicted though, torn between giving in to what they both wanted and turning his back on her. Their relationship would bring nothing but trouble and grief for them both, that much he knew for certain. But what could he do? After losing Lily, he was certain he would never love again, yet here it was right in front of him. After having a life so full of pain and loss, he simply couldn't bear to take anymore… no matter the consequences._

_ He dragged his lips from hers to her neck, then down to her collarbone. Natalya wound her hands in his hair and gripped tightly._

_ "Severus…" she groaned as he ran his hands downs the entire length of her naked body. "Severus, please…"_

_ He smiled against her skin, "Trying to rush me, my love?"_

_ Eyes still closed, Natalya grinned towards the ceiling, "Never."_

_ "Then," he bit down lightly on the side of her neck, "hush."_

The memory shifted.

_The room was dark except for a single green candle burning on the bedside table. Natalya's fists gripped the black satin sheets and she threw her head back into the pillow._

_ "Severus!"_

_ He was bracing himself on the bed, heart hammering thunderously in his chest. Natalya was beneath him, eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open in an attempt to catch her breath. Her bronze skin gleamed with a sheen of sweat in the candlelight and her hair was tangled and fanned out across the pillow. She wrapped her lush legs around his waist and grabbed fistfuls of her own hair._

_ "Natalya…" He managed, slowing the rhythm of his hips. "Natalya, look at me, love."_

_ Her eyes opened slowly, "Don't… stop…" She begged between hitched breaths. "Please."_

_ Snape pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes slipping shut with the level of sheer pleasure he was experiencing, "I want you to know…" He stopped moving for a moment, causing Natalya to groan in displeasure. "I love you to the deepest depths of my soul. I may be permanently marked by the Dark Arts, but I will do whatever I must to protect you. There is nothing more important than you."_

_ Emerald eyes shimmering with tears, she kissed him deeply, pulling him against her body desperately like she, too, was afraid he would disappear. When they finally broke apart, Natalya looked into Snape's liquid onyx eyes, "I have loved you for so long, Severus Tobias Snape. As long as there is air in my lungs, no one will ever hurt you again."_

_ A gentle smile spread across his lips and he buried his face into the crook of her neck before he continued to make love to her. When he started to move his hips again, she gasped sharply and gripped his shoulders._

_ With Snape's face at her neck, Natalya turned to his ear and said simply, "Always."_

_ His heart swelled so much at that moment that he felt sure he would die. Never in all his years had he imagined it would be possible to love someone as much as he did right now. He had loved Lily, but never ever like this._

_ He pushed himself up from her neck and braced himself on his elbows as his hips picked up speed. Harder and faster he went, desperately trying to convey to her how he felt because sometimes words we just not enough. She moaned louder and louder, clawing at his back with her long fingernails, undoubtedly leaving marks._

_ "Oh, Severus… oh, God. Please… please! I can't take it anymore…" Natalya cried, thrusting her hips up in a desperate attempt to meet his rapid pace. Her face was flushed and her bottom lip bruised from where she had continuously bit it._

_ Snape slammed his hips into hers harder, unable to suppress his own groans as felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge. Just a few more seconds and he was certain they would both be there…_

"Enough!" Snape roared, his eyes wild and murderous.

Harry dropped his arm, his face completely drenched in sweat, "Why didn't you stop me?! You knew what I would see!"

Snape was holding onto the table for support as he attempted to catch his breath once again, "You caught me off-guard. Once you were in, there was no hope of me keeping you out."

"Bullshit!" He snarled, pointing his wand threateningly at Snape's face. "You _wanted_ me to see all of that! You wanted me to throw it in my face!"

"_Expelliarmus_!" Snape roared, sending Harry's wand flying at the wall behind him. "You _really_ believe I wanted to share any of those memories with _you_?! I may hate you, Potter, but I am a better man than that! You breached my mind before I had a chance to keep you out. But I will say that when you go snooping about in someone's head _without permission_, you are bound to stumble across things you wish you hadn't!"

Harry snatched his wand off the floor and stormed furiously towards the door. Once he threw the door open, he found himself face-to-face with Natalya.

"Oh!" She said, almost dropping her bag. "Hey Harry—" When she noticed the incredibly hostile atmosphere between the two men, Natalya raised an eyebrow. "Is… is everything alright?"

Green eyes full of fire, Harry shoved his way past her.

Before she could even think of something to say, he was gone. Snape shut the door and embraced her tightly the moment she turned around.

Natalya sighed as her let her go, "I take it Occlumency lessons didn't go particularly well?"

He shook his head, "No, but we will get there. We have to."


	10. Chapter 10

Snape awoke in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, his heart racing rapidly in his chest. He pushed his sweat-soaked mass of hair out of his face and surveyed the pitch black bedroom. He was definitely alone, but _something_ had woken him with a horrendous jolt… something painful.

Snape thought hard for a moment, trying desperately to remember what he had been dreaming of but it was to of no avail.

"I must have imagined it…" He muttered to himself. Just as he laid back onto his bed and prepared to go back to sleep, his left arm began burning like someone was searing it with hellfire. It was then that a terrifying realization hit him.

His Dark Mark was burning; he was being called to the Dark Lord.

Snape grabbed his wand from the bedside table and muttered, "_Lumos_!"

As he knew it would be, his Dark Mark was wriggling on his colorless forearm, the snake emerging from the skull's mouth uncoiling and then recoiling every few seconds. Immediately, panic began to set in; what was he going to do? To not heed a call from Voldemort almost always resulted in death, but answering his call would be just as bad. Dumbledore had very specifically instructed him to remove himself from Voldemort's service in order to protect Natalya. Of course, Voldemort would immediately notice Snape's unusual absence and he would almost certainly send someone after him. Fortunately, he was pretty sure Voldemort didn't know about Natalya yet and he knew he could survive against anyone sent to kill him. As long as his relationship with Natalya remained a secret, Voldemort would have nothing to hold against him.

With that, Snape said "_Nox_" and resigned himself to falling back asleep.

He would not be the right hand of the Dark Lord anymore.

...

There was a low buzz throughout the dimly lit room as everyone spoke amongst themselves, anxiously awaiting for their master to return. A few moments later, a gentle slithering sound could be heard moving across the room from the door to the large oak table where they all sat. Everyone immediately became silent and rigid.

"Good evening, everyone," said a disembodied voice from the dark doorway. A tall, slender man emerged from the dark, his eyes blood red and nose like two slits above his thin mouth. He seemed to float across the room, his robes billowing eerily around his skeletal body as if he was floating in water. When he reached the head of the table, he sat.

"Nagini," he coaxed, "come greet our guests."

The snake slithered onto the table and eyed each person menacingly, ready to strike if necessary at any moment.

"Now," Voldemort continued as he gently stroked the back of the snake, "what news do you all bring me? Anything of consequence?"

Lucius Malfoy leaned forward hesitantly, "My Lord… my Lord, Severus is not here."

Voldemort eyes grew uncharacteristically wide, his neutral disposition now turning hostile, "When the Dark Mark burns, all _must_ come."

Narcissa and Lucius looked at each other for moment before Narcissa leaned forward, her voice small, "My Lord… my son, Draco, mentioned that a female student paid him quite handsomely to take her to Snape's private chambers in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. I do not believe he knew her name."

This information caused several Death Eaters to whisper excitedly amongst themselves.

"Silent!" the Dark Lord snarled violently. He then turned back to the Malfoy's. "Are you suggesting this girl is the reason Severus strays from his service?"

Lucius responded this time, "Draco certainly was under the impression that there was something between them. If he is in love with the girl…"

Bellatrix Lestrange interjected from her sister's opposite side, "My Lord, let us not forget how Severus was willing to renounce you if it meant saving Lily Potter's life. He went crawling back to Dumbledore like a lost puppy after you killed her."

Voldemort seemed to take this in, "Yes… I have not forgotten that."

Seizing the opportunity to out Snape, Bellatrix continued, "Clearly he did not learn from his mistake, my Lord. How do we know that he won't simply slither away with this girl the moment he senses trouble? He has done you great service in the past, my Lord, but lately he has grown weak. How can we trust him when his loyalties are so greatly divided?"

"We cannot afford to lose Severus, Bellatrix," Voldemort said with a great deal of finality. Just when Bellatrix slunk back into her chair and pursed her lips in disappointment, the Dark Lord addressed her again. "However, I cannot deny that this girl proves… inconvenient. Bellatrix, find out who this girl is and bring her to me. I will dispose of her myself."

Bellatrix's heavy lidded eyes lit up, "Yes, my Lord." And she disapparated.

"As for the rest of you," the Dark Lord addressed the remaining Death Eaters, stroking Nagini again, "don't give Severus any indication that anything is out of the ordinary. I want him alive and unaware."

Lucius cleared his throat quietly, "For what purpose, my Lord?"

Voldemort's red eyes gleamed menacingly in the firelight, "So he might finally learn his lesson."


End file.
